I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
