Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
