Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
