He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
