You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
