apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
