She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he shaved USA in his pubs
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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