You smell like stripper and shame
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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