Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize