The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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