...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
