You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
