I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
