I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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