whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
