even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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