just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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