He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
