Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
