I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
