So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
