my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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