So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
