so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
