I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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