my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
