Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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