zippers are such a cool invention
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
