I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
