Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
