The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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