There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got inside last night via doggy door
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
