I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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