i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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