dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
