My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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