a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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