I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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