oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
