you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
