I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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