We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
