I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
