Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
