I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
