I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
