Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
porn star boner night. come get it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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