I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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