Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
