cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
