Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
