I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
