let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
