porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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