I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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