My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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