im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
