you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I need moral support for this bender
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
