My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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