Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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