I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
