But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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