My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
