At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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