She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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