please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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