I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
