True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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