It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
