So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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